Talk:TheLoreMakerAndGrandMasterOfHistory‘S dump/@comment-43553872-20191120045855/@comment-43553872-20191120052233
Alright u asked for it. Before I sent this email, we were talking about YT and this wiki and css. The he said he had to go sleep at around 9:55pm Ok. Thanks! Good night :) And warning. The whole “daily 3 paragraphs thing” is the most popular page on the wiki fandom soooooooooooo. Just saying. If you really don’t Wanna read it, that’s fine by me. But just a warning, it’s literally right there. It’s called Firefly’s Dump. It’s the most popular page because Felicia, Evan, and v check it literally everyday. They’ve comforted me a lot. It helps. Kinda. I might be going a bit crazy on the inside over pointless things. Oh wow look at this, since it’s 10pm, it’s prime venting time. This is when I usually get the craziest on my dump. And now since I’m writing an email to u, my emotions are getting the best of me again. THIS IS GREAT. HOW WONDERFUL. ISNT IT JUST FABULOUS HOW I HAVE THIS “PRIME VENT TIME” WHERE I JUST POUR ALL MY THOUGHTS AND TORNADO EMOTIONS INTO WORDS?! ITS GREAT ISNT IT? IM REALLY EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE RIGHT NOW. I RELALY HOPE I DONT SAY ANYTHING HURTFUL OR OFFENDING. THIS IS MY WEAKEST TIME. WHY AM I WRITING AN EMAIL TO U RIGHT NOW? CNAT I WAIT TILL TOMORROW? WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF? I COUNT YOU AS ONE OF MY MORE NICER FRIENDS. AS YOU KNOW, I HAVE MANY TYPES OF FRIENDS. I should probs stoop screaming. And anyways. Why am I sending you an email when I’m in my emotionally unstable point? Why.why.hwygwy.why. I hide a lot of my emotions and stuff in school. So to any passerby, I might look really happy and stuff. I truly am grateful and happy towards my friends. But i have personal emotions and problems, more or so directed towards Ronen, #$@##$ (Ronen’s &$#&$* @#$$&), my many crushes that I shouldn’t have, my anger issues that I hide from my friends that I call “innocent and nice” (fun fact, that includes u). My “innocent and nice” group that I have made consists of friends that don’t enjoy dirty jokes, people I don’t trust or know that well, friends that don’t enjoy swearing/can’t stand listening to swear words, super nice people that are my true friends but I can’t bear to ruin their “nice and virgin mind” with these “mature” and emotional thoughts, friends that I don’t think would take this the way I want them to and end up unfriending me after they know (not you). I’ve had many problems in life (haven’t we all?) and sometimes it just gets to the best of me. I don’t wish to depress your awesome morning (since u said u’d be reading this in the morning) or anything but sometimes it gets to the point where I just break down and need some time to either (a) listen to my favorite songs (fun fact, most of them I can relate to/get nostalgia from and it helps me vent), (b) vent on the wiki by adding to my dump, © talk to any of my closest friends who know the most about my issues (Felicia, v, Jey, or Evan), (d) ignore all online friends and don’t post on ur for a week and just think to myself, reflecting, or (e) write a long and funny email to a close online friend who is bored, giving them something to laugh about, which makes me feel better. Ronen is no longer an option as he broke up with me because aparently he loves someone else. Welp. It lasted exactly 3 months. It’s better than a one week long relationship. We are still friends. But he’s ignored me since he broke up with me. This just adds to my growing list of things to stress about, fume about, and get emotional over. I’m pretty much over him. And I completely regret ever confessing I liked him. I wish I never liked him in the first place. It just distracted me. If you look at my grades, they went drastically down starting from around a month ago. They went up again last week. Why? Because I was either spending hours talking with Ronen, or daydreaming about him. I’m not saying having a boyfriend means I completely lose it. I’m just saying he just. The fact that he tried to be perfect is what was the problem. If he was just himself, that wouldn’t have happened. Wait why am I telling you this. Oh great. I cnat exactly delete my 20 mins of work can I? I’ll send this to you anyway. Wow I’m so productive and innocent. I had so many fantasies. I wish too much. I regret too much. I daydream too much. I listen to music too much. I am listening to venting music as we speak. I feel too much. It’s so overwhelming. I don’t even know what you will reply to this. You aren’t the type of person to tease me about my problems. Or the type of person to write a giant long email comforting me and also writing how bad your life is so I could stop feeling so alone all the time (yes, one of my close friends did this. I was shocked and we grew a lot closer). But I could be wrong. I have no idea how you will respond to this. All I know is that you won’t say “yeah” like Ronen used to. Alright since on my birthday, when sent u that email, you reacted pretty chill. I’m assuming you will also be pretty chill about this. You’re one of my major crushes right now. I do not wish to be in a relationship. That would distract both me and you, I strongly believe. After my experience with Ronen, I do not wish to start anything at all. I don’t think you would either, but I could be wrong, I don’t know. That’s right. You heard (I guess I should say read but whatever) me right. I. Like. You. A lot. I don’t expect you to like me back or do anything romantic or whatever. Just thought it would be honest and nice of me to tell you. And no, i didnt used to have a crush on you. I have a crush on you right now. A major crush. That’s why I randomly went up to you at lunch today (well, yesterday for you) and asked how’s life. Just an excuse to talk to you ya know. And I didn’t tell you because nerves. It’s a lot easier for me to talk in email/discord/anything online I belive. Even if I know that person irl. There you have it. I, Esther, like you, $#@$#. I can’t belive I’m telling you this right now. How will you react? I DONT KNOW. IM HAVING A LITERAL PANIC ATTACK WHERE I AM DEBATING DELETING THIS ALL AND NEVER REPLYING TO UR EMAIL. WHAT DO I DO. THIS IS THE PROBLEM. EMOTION PROBLEMS. ALSO, I MENTIONED I HAVE MULTIPLE CRUHSES RIGHT NOW RIGHT? YOU KNOW IM BISEXUAL RIGHT? (IT MEANS I could love both genders romantically) I’m still uncertain if I’m actually bi. As Ronen was the first relationship I ever got in. I do have crushes on my best friends tho. Right now, I have 6 crushes. You are the only one that I think is able to accept it and not either stop being my friend, decline and be rude about it, or spring into action and start dating me. After all, **** is Aroace (basically meaning she isn’t interested in a relationship with anyone whatsoever), ******** will be too dramatic and **** ******** ** ****** ******** which would make me die on the inside (***5***$(#7$82)&83(h$’#’$ me, *a***n would probably never talk to me again, since we literally just made up 2 years of ANOYING each other to death, */**$#* has a girlfriend (or so he says, I don’t think I believe him) and plus he’s a 55*($7#8$)+27 me. I guess. I know almost nothing about *s*($(#*r except he likes to read. So yea. According to my calculations that I just made, liking you would be my best bet since there’s a slight chance you could like me back. But even if you don’t, it would still be all good and chill because you won’t stop being my friend, and you won’t never talk o me agian. So yay. Problem solved. Ohmigosh what are you going to say to this. I’m a nervous wreck right now and have no idea how this will turn out. Aghhh. I’ve decided to send this email anyways. I have no idea what ur gonna say to this, I’m nervous and excited, as well as angry at myself for confessing first (again), and happy to get this off of my list of things I’m too scared to actually do but should actually do. Thanks a lot *&$#$. ��♥️ Oh no I’m scared to send this email Whatever, just hit the send button with ur nose and then pray for the best. I’m too scared. No, just do it. Do it. Or 40 mins of typing will be wasted. Fine. I’m doing it. See You At School Bye. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*INTERNAL PANIC SCREAMING WHY DID I DO THIS-*